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Struggling to Love

Do you ever find yourself struggling to love?  I am not a very outgoing person sometimes.  Learning about our weaknesses helps us learn to overcome them.  One of my big ones is that I withdraw when I think people are unhappy with me or if I KNOW they are talking about me.

I am sure it has to do with trying to protect myself, but the point is I know it is something I deal with.  For me, forgiveness and working through something starts deep within me.  I have to acknowledge what I am upset about and work through those feelings inwardly.  Outwardly, I usually wait until the opportunity to be myself and show I have no ill feelings to come naturally instead of 'creating' the opportunity.

I recently found out that sometimes that is taken as holding on to bad feelings.  Well duh, you may be thinking... I honestly was shocked to discover that!  I had no idea.  I KNOW I have no bad feelings about situations and have gotten over the conflict but it wasn't coming through to the other person.

Good lesson for me to learn!  So now I am struggling not just to love but to SHOW that love to others quicker than I instinctively would.  Yes, it is hard to live in a 'fishbowl' as a pastor's wife and to have everything you say and don't say judged but I am learning.. Most of all I am learning God is still stretching me!

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