Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The courage to sing

When I was a child, I loved to sing.

Our church had a children's choir and I loved it. I loved the weekly practices, the performances and the monthly visits to the nursing home. The director, Pat Wallace, was one of my heroes. I knew without a doubt she loved God and me and I would have done anything for her. Singing was one of my joys.

Then one day my dad told me I couldn't sing. "You can't carry a tune in a bucket" was how he put it. I knew even then that he didn't say it to hurt me but it did. I lost my confidence and I lost my joy in singing. When I was in high school youth group, the reality that singing 'opportunities ' went to other people confirmed in my heart what my dad had said.

Of course I married a preacher! Doesn't everyone know that pastors wives are supposed to sing? Not this one! My husband likes my voice and on occasion I have sang for him when he was in a pinch....but never with confidence or joy. I love to speak in front of people and am pretty confident about it but singing is soooo hard for me.

My children sing. This is a fact that I am in awe of. My oldest son can play about anything he picks up and really thought for a long time he could not sing but I NEVER told him that. His voice changed and now he is a great worship leader. My youngest son has a natural voice but still lacks the confidence to develop it. It is coming and if I have my way no one will put doubt into his mind about that! He is starting to sing for special services and youth events and I am looking forward to what God has for him in that.

My children love my voice too and I have other people hear me singing during times of worship and ask me why I don't consider myself a singer. It surprises me every time. Singing is something I do for God.

Joy and confidence are so easily taken away by others.


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