I try to do too much.... I think I am like most women in that regard. It seems I am always juggling more than one plate at a time. While I am juggling, I am thinking about the other plates that are waiting on me to pick them up!
During this struggle with my sister dying, I have been beating myself up over and over. If I am Illinois taking care of my family, school and church responsibilities I am thinking about the reasons I should be in Tennessee. When I am in Tennessee, I feel guilty for all the responsibilities I have waiting in Illinois. And like most women, I am my worst critic.
My oldest son is a musician and before we moved our last church was short on musicians. One day he said to me "Mom, if I could just play the guitar, piano and drums at the same time it would sound good." My life feels like that right now! But the truth is I can't do all the things I would like to and be effective at any one thing.
My husband has a great illustration he uses for himself and in counselling (I think I am his most frequent counsellee at the moment). He draws a big circle and puts everything we stress about and want to do inside. He then draws a small circle and puts inside of that circle the things we are actually responsible for and can do.
There are lots of things I feel guilty about that are not in my circle! When that happens, I have to surrender those things and people to God and pray... Casting all of my cares upon HIM for HE cares for me. A friend recently reminded me of the following verse: "Seek peace and pursue it." I am learning that sometimes pursuing peace means recognizing what and who brings turmoil in my life and taking the steps necessary to protect the peace of God within me. So don't be offended if you ask me something and I say to you "Sorry, it's not in my circle!"